when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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