who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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