He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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