Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
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I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
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Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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