as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.