Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.