Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
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apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
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I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo