You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
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Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
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Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO