Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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