Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
