grandma shit on top of the toilet
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize