Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Houston, we have a squirter
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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