I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Boobs are out for the taking
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
