You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
