she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
that is very illegal...i love you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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