we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
