So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world