I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly