i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.