I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
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I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
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He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?