I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
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Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.