My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
