Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize