I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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