i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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