wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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