I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You are the jesus of drinking
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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