So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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