I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
