forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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