I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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