today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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