its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
