i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
