i may or may not be watching the land before time
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
