Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I party with great urgency now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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