LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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