apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
