I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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