saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
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I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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