Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
