He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
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Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
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How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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