so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
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