she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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