I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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