You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
