It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
