Christians are straight up FREAKS
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
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You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We have so much sex to catch up on
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I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?