is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.