I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober