Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.