hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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