i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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