You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
