it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
