Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
