just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
