I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
