she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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