Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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